On this page, you can use the following links to jump to any desired song. Note: these are same-page links. Each song title is a heading so you can jump through the songs that way as well.
Please feel free to contact me if you need lyrics in an alternative format.
Now, get ready to sing along and feel better!
Track 1: Why?
Track 2: My First Date Since…
Track 3: Open Your Mind Or Shut Your Mouth!
Track 4: Good-bye, Old Friends
Track 5: Honey, Are You Low?
Track 6: In Exam Room Number Two
Track 7: My HNO
Track 8: Is It Just Me?
Track 9: The Numbers Game
Track 10: Fingers, Calm My Fears!
Track 11: A Tough Guy
Track 12: Just A Pain In The...
Track 13: The Promise
Artist Bio
Why this? Why now?
Who me? Never!
That's what I thought;
Guess I'll sing, though I just wanta pout;
It might make me feel better,
So why not!
Suppose I'd just messed up my back;
I'd go and consult a chiropractor,
Get adjustments, a new mattress and pain pills for sleep;
But look at my prescription! Classes for eight weeks?
Why this? Why now?
Are you sure?
What a shock!
Is it something I did or didn't do somehow?
Can I just wait for the cure?
Why not!
And what if I got a bad case of heartburn?
I'd just have a talk with my favorite intern,
Who'd say, an hour before meals, just take this;
Before I can eat, I take a math quiz!
Why this? Why now?
Who dealt me this hand?
Thanks a lot!
Cuz I could sure live quite nicely without this,
But I can't so I'll do the best I can;
Why not!
No, this wasn't in my plans, didn't need the complications;
But don't misunderstand, I'll be okay;
Yes I'm gonna have a good life;
I'll get a lot of practical advice;
But every so often, circumstances just call for a little whine!
(Why? Tell me why.)
Why this? Why now?
How long? Forever!
That's what I thought!
But now I sing when I just wanta pout
Cuz it makes me feel better,
So why not!
Yes I could sure live quite nicely without this,
But I can't so I'll do the best I can;
Why not!
(Why?)
Why not!
(Why?)
Why not! (Tell me why.)
Someone's finally asked me out;
What a time for me to be having these doubts;
I'm excited but I'm wrestling
With a variety of questions I can't answer now;
Like will my reactions make sense? Will my views be heard?
And exactly when do I introduce the "d" word?
Cuz if I put it off and something should go wrong,
Oh God, am I losing my nerve?
I wanta talk about stuff that isn't medical;
But on the other hand, I want him to ask about me;
If I do this often enough, will I ever feel
Sort of normal again? Can I get back the freedom I sure miss?
Now, is this something I have or is it who I am?
Tell me, what's gonna happen? Will it ruin our plans
On my first date since…
All right! Time to think about what dress to wear;
And stop tryin' to figure out how I'll do a blood test there;
I'll start by packing my supplies
In that attractive, but oversized bag I now lug everywhere;
Then I'll select my shoes and arrange my hair again;
And think, life can't help but improve in relation to where I've just been;
So I'll paint my lips and spread my blush thick;
There! That ought to convince those pesky what ifs that I'm not scared of them.
But doing one last finger stick before I leave is sort of tempting;
And yet I should try to find a balance between that stuff and life;
What's that? Wait a minute! Oh Lord I hear the door bell ringing;
Looks like that challenge has just arrived, and tonight my search begins.
Now, as I grab my keys and he puts his hand in mine,
It actually feels like I could have a good time
On my first date since…
But I wonder---
When we're saying good-night and he looks deep in my eyes,
Will he see just diabetes, and not the dreams that inspire me?
Down the road, if nice things are happening,
Suppose he brings up starting a family---
Guess that's a lot to ask myself
When I'm not yet past the test
Of my first date since…
Yes it's my first date since…
We were s'posed to meet at five, at a friend's for supper;
You're the only one who knows why I got there late,
That I was tryin' to get a number
And my blood wouldn't cooperate.
After finishing the meal, they served a light confection,
And I almost choked on it; Bet everybody heard you say,
"You shouldn't sink your teeth into that dessert! You know you're diabetic,"
Scuse me? You should get your nose out of my plate!
And then show me you could do this every day and compound it
By coping with the foolish things your friends tend to say when they're around you;
Don't you know, I can't be perfect all of the time,
And sometimes things like this are allowed;
So open your mind or shut your mouth!
This afternoon you called me up, all excited
'bout something you heard last night on the radio;
Now there's a natural product I can buy that
Promises to cure me in ninety days or so.
Cuz the problem is my body's just unhappy and getting back at me for past excesses,
And I haven't prayed enough or detoxified my colon, yeah right!
I can just imagine what's gonna happen to that message
Should the day come when you're the one who's diagnosed with it! Which type are you?
And now show me you could do this every day and compound it
By coping with the foolish things your friends tend to say when they're around you;
Till you know my routine, you don't have the right
To judge me or push me around;
Just open your mind or shut your mouth!
And so, if you've got the nerve, give me a hand
And I'll prick a finger or two;
And now figure out the carbs in this meal plan;
And do all of this while I bring out your food!
Go on now, show me you could do this every day and compound it
By coping with the cruel things your friends tend to say in the name of counsel;
Don't you see, I wanta get the most out of life and I'm just doing the best I know how;
I wish you'd open your mind or shut your mouth!
You say you'd just like to see a good outcome,
Yeah, but would you mind keeping your mouth shut!
They say, to keep pace with diabetes
I have to get much more exercise,
And change the way that I am eating,
And abandon some old friends of mine;
And I'll come to accept it as time goes by.
There's no denying that this is
Prob'ly my last visit with you,
And I don't mind admitting
That I know I'm gonna miss you,
My old friends!
It was nice of you, little bag of French fries
To meet me on some of the walks I took;
You spiced up a few different sandwiches,
Yet were quite easy on my pocketbook;
Did I tell you, you'll still smell good as I walk by.
Cuz now they've sure got bad names for you
And the burger that came with you;
They call you fat and cholesterol
And say I'll have to tell you all
Good-bye, old friends!
Now in all the grocery stores I have my own isle, full of sugar-free junk
That costs a whole lot more and has side effects I don't like;
Yeah, good chocolate really would not give me the runs!
And what if I can eat one little bite and be done?
Can I have any fun
Without my old friends?
It's you I'll miss the most, oh cinnamon doughnut;
It's tough to let go of the comfort you've come to symbolize;
And if the truth is told, I still sort of hope that we'll meet
One day over coffee, putting all of this behind us;
So forgive me for taking so much time with this last good bite!
Cuz there's no denying that this is
Prob'ly my last visit with you,
And I don't mind admitting
That I know I'm gonna miss you,
My old friends!
(Good-bye, old friends!
God I'm hungry!
And all I wanta eat is… oh!)
Last night, something I muttered made you angry; that upset me, of course;
A lot of colorful language sure went back and forth
Till I brought up the past and was repeating myself,
And you paused, looked at me, and said,
Honey, are you low?
Do you need glucose?
Leave me alone!
What do you know?
Just because I'm not stopping,
That doesn't mean I'm dropping,
It just might be that I'm really mad!
(Honey, have you seen the, oh never mind, I got 'em;
MMM, eat my words indeed! What a low blow!)
Just like when we saw that heart-warming movie with the cute little dog;
I fell apart just as soon as the music came on;
Yeah, I wept through the whole stupid phone company ad
Till you held out your soda and asked,
Honey, are you low?
Do you need glucose?
Leave me alone!
How would you know?
It's insulin I'm lacking, not sympathy and compassion;
Guess I'm touched when someone goes the distance!
(You know, maybe I will have a sip of that;
That really was a sad little number, wasn't it!)
I want you to just let me deal with it,
But be aware if you need to wake me in the night;
And you ought to respond to me just as I am,
But understand, every now and then things get out of hand;
And if you just wait a moment you'll save us both the annoyance of a pointless fight.
And remember that sermon in Church about the ten commandments when the minister began, "thou shalt not",
I said "laugh", that was it! Oh man, I couldn't stop!
I tried covering my face but my joyful noises got worse;
Then from the pulpit, was that praying I heard?
(Holy… bless me, I mean bless you,)
Child, are you low?
Do you need fructose?
Now where do I go?
God knows!
It's not just chronic conditions that block inhibitions;
And I can't help it I'm blessed with a rare sense of humor;
(Oh Lord, is it noon already? I think I have one of those juice boxes in here somewhere… Oh man, I'm sweating and… wow! I really was going down there, wasn't I!"
I still want you to just let me deal with it,
But be aware if you need to wake me in the night;
And you ought to respond to me just as I am,
But understand, every now and then things get out of hand;
And if you just wait a moment you'll save us both the annoyance of a pointless fight.
(But most of the time, it sorta goes like)
Honey, are you low?
Want some glucose?
I don't think so;
But then, who knows;
I'm in an awkward position with this chronic condition
And I could use the excuse for a snack;
(What was that you said you had? Oo, maybe I will have some of that. Oh hang on, better get some glucose tablets first.
Oh yummy! A pick-me-up!
Yeah, okay! I know! You've got my number! But would you mind lowering your voice a little when you say that?
In fact, can we just drop the whole subject now, please?
A stranger led me down the hall
To a scale and read the number on it
Before I'd even set down all my stuff;
In the room she said, "Why are we here?"
As she put a stethoscope to her ear,
I said, "look at me! And now tell me I weigh that much!"
She said, "I need to download from your meter and go find your current labs;
Here's a gown, the doc'll be here in awhile, just relax!"
But do they know how many things I juggled
Just to get to where I am now
Or am I just another code 250
With certain blood characteristics,
And not someone who has been sitting for half an hour
In exam room number two?
Oh how I hate feeling this nervous
As I wait here for the verdict
Like I'm afraid I'll be convicted of a crime;
Will I be accused of cheating
When he says, "tell me what you've been eating…"
No way will I admit I go out for pie;
I'll just promise to do better and lower my A1C
And I'd show them honest useful records if only they'd show me
That they know how hard it gets out there
And it's not as simple as wrong or right,
Not just a check by complies or cheats
Or by the meds they prescribe this week;
Until then each time I come I'm gonna hide something
In exam room number two!
Now I use specific techniques
To get through to different specialists
That I keep adjusting
Cuz I have 8 minutes to explain things
While they're flippin' through my paperwork
And it leaves me wond'ring,
If they know what really stirs my soul?
Am I seen as partner or enemy
Or just insurance code 250
Whose reimbursement's not sufficient?
Does it occur to them that I don't wanta be
In exam room number two?
Oh why can't you understand who's in exam room numbe…
You promised me, right away you'd fill out the proper forms;
I called to see why today I still haven't gotten my order;
Oh, guess I'm starting to get mad;
You say it takes awhile, you got a zillion different patients
And they required some additional information
So you'll get my chart and call me back.
Three days later I pester you to read
My piece of paper and tell me what you need to get this order on the road;
(What? You need to know my zip code?)
Now, you'll fax it over when you get the doctor's signature;
This actually shows just how well our modern system works,
Though it's not your fault that things were slow;
H N O!
My HNO!
The letter of denial, I received it in my Friday mail;
It says I can file an appeal within 90 days or so;
See detailed explanation on page two;
It's not on the formulary, it's not a medical necessity;
But of course we care! If you have questions call our helpful people
Toll-free! They can read your page verbatim on their computers;
It seems like such a waste of time to plead my case;
This feeling of frustration is driving me insane;
AND hey, would that be covered?
(Only if you have my driver's license number?)
Yes, I'm reminded of just what sort of plan I'm on
Every time there's something important that I want
Because it says it right there in bold,
H N O!
My HNO!
It's to your advantage
To let us manage
Your diabetes;
For advice press 3;
We will control you;
Please continue to hold;
Please fill out our survey
And a free gift'll come your way
Within 30 days;
You'll get an A1C kit;
Just press a drop of blood and send it back;
But gee, every three months we do this test along with a bunch of other lab work;
(And you do get the bills for them, don't you? And I presume you pay them?)
So, wanta toss me a different carrot or pick another bone?
H N O!
My HNO!
Then all of a sudden, I had this crazy idea
To just call 'em up and ask 'em if they'd hire me
In the unit that does processing of claims;
I'd bide my time; each case I'd study carefully;
And my replies would be based on what seems fair to me;
I'd stop over-ruling the actual doctors seeing patients.
And I could do some mischievous stuff
Like quietly approving an insulin pump
For someone who just wants one!
(But there's one little flaw in my thinking, I think?)
Considering the care with which they manage my health,
There is something that's fairly critical to ask myself first:
Could I really actually work there?
H N O!
Not that brand, it costs too much!
You're not allowed to have more than you got last month!
We'll up your co-pay!
That drugstore? No way!
How can they know what's best when it comes to me?
Oh man, I'm so fed up with my HNO!
My HNO!!
What's that? Did I feel tingling in my toes?
Maybe I imagined it; Well, for now, I think I'll let it go
Cuz it could lead to a preoccupation with every symptom that I feel;
Is this a diabetes complication or is it just me?
Yeah, there was a time, I admit, when I couldn't have cared less;
Cuz I was convinced I would be spared, I guess;
And since the cure was just round the corner, I could pretty much live as I pleased.
And then I'd see someone who'd had amputations;
And it'd frighten me enough that man I'd straighten up!
Oh have you heard this before? Or is it just me! Oh me!
What do ya mean? No, my blood pressure's not a problem;
Well, don't some people only get it in your office? Oh, I get it!
Now I understand words like creatinine, B U N and A1C;
Still I can't believe this is happenin'! Will everyone blame me?
I didn't screw up on purpose; I was givin' it my best;
And if I'd truly been perfect, it'd be different, I guess;
Now can my family and friends find a bit of sympathy?
And do I deserve this as a sort of penance for my sins?
And who can I turn to that won't lecture me again?
Are others asking these questions? Or is it just me!
Yeah, I'm reluctant to mention it cuz I'm sure that
All those other diabetics are perfect;
But on the other hand, look at all the options and treatments,
They wouldn't have 'em unless lots of folks needed them;
So it seems that the answers might not be so black and white;
And even if I had been the model of compliance
Maybe there would be no guarantees!
And maybe it isn't just me!
So I'll just deal with the present, with the procedures and the change;
I might even feel better, relieved of the shame;
And I might even work out how to pretty much live as I please;
And if I can stop wondering why, and just get on with my life,
Will I discover that I'm not alone and it's all right
That I'm still not perfect?
And I'm still just me! Oh me!
You try and check your BG level, can't get blood on the strip,
After several attempts, that's enough! Ya gotta live;
The problem is that when you go to visit your doc,
He'll be on your case if somethin's not filled in in your log!
So I play the numbers game;
The goal is try not to stray out of the target range;
There's no advantage in cheating, the steaks are too high;
I can't quit the team till the day that I die;
I'll play the numbers game;
Yes I will!
They check my kidneys, thyroid, retina, weight, blood pressure and feet,
Triglycerides, cholesterol and A1C;
THEN claim that medication is in order here,
When those same numbers were considered normal last year!
I can't win the numbers game;
When I get the hang of it, the rules suddenly change;
But there's no sense in resisting if I wanta claim the grand prize;
I guess I'm addicted to this game for life;
I have to win the numbers game!
Yes I do!
How much is fifteen grams, two-thirds of an exchange?
It took me an hour to read this package;
We have individual meal plans and we sure don't weigh the same,
Yet the amount of each thing we can eat always seems to be half a cup?
Whose idea was that?
(Stick with me now! Count 'em up!
The ringing of my clock ended a normal night's sleep;
A finger stick was called for in my morning routine;
I can't believe the meter said: "302", Oh man,
I was fast asleep, I didn't even dream about food!
So I play the numbers game;
Don't know how I strayed out of the target range;
I haven't been cheating, and I won't stay this high;
I'll keep battling and treating till the day that I die;
I'll play the numbers game!
Oh I'd like to call time out
But my life revolves around
The ups and downs of the numbers game!
I hated to have to hurt you
So often every day,
So I didn't!
But lately I've been worryin'
'bout the problems I could face;
You know how it is!
I land in a tempting situation, my will power just eludes me!
And you know, if we don't have the nerve to act strong,
This disease will break our heart;
And we won't have a leg to stand on
If the reviews say each of us didn't play our part;
But if the past is any indication, I can count on you!
Cuz I'd stick you in my ear
When I didn't wanta hear;
I gave you rings to wear;
I'd fold you tight in prayer,
And hold you when I was scared;
God, I hate pricking there;
Maybe if I think of it as looking in a mirror…
Oh fingers, calm my fears!
Yeah, I'm sorry I had to stab you twice;
And yes, I still feel your pain;
But now my arms can lend a hand sometimes
When you really need a break;
But it's hard to beat your track record for keeping up with change!
Cuz you've plucked a real nice fiddle,
Been sucked on when I was little,
I shared my blanket with you;
I've wagged you in defiance
And snapped you keeping time,
But now what I hang on to
Is the number that I get to change or cheer;
Oh fingers, calm my fears!
Yeah, through the yellow pages you've gone walking;
Sometimes your gestures can say more than me talking;
But because you've bled so much for me, my life's not so appalling!
(Dear Digit,
Thanks so much for the thousands of digits you've given me.
And I want you to know, there's no malice intended when I tell you it's your day, and then poke you again and again?
And I hope that over time, you don't become so callous that you won't be able to help me when I'm really gunna need you.
And there is one thing you should know. I have no plans to knuckle under to the guilt or sorrow I feel about beating up on you like this because well, you're the only one who can really tell me if I've nailed the target I'm aiming for.
So, I hope you'll stick with me for a long, long time.
Yeah, I tip my hat to you. Well, enjoy your days off; keep in touch!
Love, all the rest of me!)
I'll still put you on the page
Of a book to keep my place;
Oh I've got a lot to lose;
So I'll cross you just for luck
And soften you with stuff
Because I've gotten used to
You catching me before I start to veer;
Oh fingers, calm my fears!
Oh fingers,
Just a drop for the meter, please?
Calm my fears!
I can't say that I like this diagnosis but I've done fine;
By making up my mind that I'll control it, I'm a tough guy;
Yeah, mostly I keep it to myself
But I'm open to an expert's help
Cuz I'm a tough guy.
I measure all my food, test my blood 8 times a day and I run 3 miles;
I attend the talking group where I hear others complain about their tough times;
And I just cannot understand
Why they don't suck it up and just comply (like me)
Cuz I'm a tough guy.
But sometimes I lay on the couch in my family room
With the blinds drawn so no one sees;
And I play, turned up really loud, my saddest tunes
And cry myself to sleep
Yeah, I'm a tough guy!
I visit with my endo every two or three months; my labs are done on time;
My printouts and my schedules are reviewed and we discuss things I ought to try;
I know my numbers; I know my plan;
I know how to read my body's signs
And I'm a tough guy!
But when I'm traveling in my car
And there's no one else around,
It's then that I unwrap the Snickers bar
And boy do I wolf it down
Like a tough guy!
I won't let it change how I think or live cuz I'm a tough guy;
And I'll never shy away from a finger stick cuz I've got tough hide;
Yeah, I'm all pumped up, I'm gonna win this race;
But wait!
How much insulin for lunch this time?
(Umm, oh maybe I'd better, ah come on, ou!
Oo, maybe I'm not such a tough guy!)
Out with some friends at an expensive restaurant,
We were kind-a rushed and they were slow;
I got the waitress' attention
And said, hey, I'm diabetic;
I need my food at once because, you know!
My friends were all appalled that I would do this;
But when they brought our food, they said, "way cool!"
And then my jaw dropped
When all of a sudden I saw
My endocrinologist in the next booth! (Uh oh!)
I wonder if he'll notice what food was on my plate,
Or the wine they chilled and poured into my glass;
I wanta just go over there and snoop at what he ate,
Oh tryin' to still be normal's just a pain in the…
(Oh, hi Doc! Nice to see you; lovely weather we're having tonight, isn't it!)
Before going to an afternoon event at the bosses house,
I did a finger stick that showed that I was high;
I looked at my abdomen and fretted,
Do I have any good sites left?
Guess this insulin is goin' in my thigh.
I did it in a place that I had used before;
But this one gave me a great big bruise;
And then I heard the phone ring;
They said, don't forget to bring
A dish for 8 and your bathing suit! (Oh no!)
I wonder if they'll notice all the stuff I have to bring;
Maybe I could skip the finger stick just once;
I wanta just go over there and munch and chat and swim;
Oh tryin' to fit in is just a pain in the…
(But, but, but, but I do have my bathing suit on, it's just underneath these pants, okay? So, I hear things are going swimmingly in your department''')
Yeah, most of the time it's really no big deal to live with this stuff;
But once in awhile it seems, a whole lot of little things just build up:
Like when an old friend grabs you and gives you a hug,
You both get jabbed with your insulin pump;
The restaurant doesn't tell the truth about the salad dressing;
Because of that, you don't get to have the bread;
And if you think that airline meals are pathetic,
Get a ticket and I dare ya, tell 'em you're diabetic!
But the most frightening thing of all about being diabetic
Is tryin' to convince your doctor that you really might be getting sick with almost anything else!
(Here we go!)
I prick my finger, get a number, subtract my target BG level,
And divide by the number of points each unit subtracts,
Then figure out the number, in grams, of carbs I'll be ingesting
And divide it by the ratio of units to grams,
Then combine that with the first number I had,
And precisely measure and inject where I can grab;
And tonight I'll do it again;
What a pain in the…
(Wait, which finger is it today? Let's see, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday but I did that one twice yesterday, and then I did…
Oh, it's enough to give anybody a head ache!
I sit here at the table with a needle in my hand;
Today I'm not sure if I'm able to do this to me again;
So I put it down, take a look around,
Say, "I could leave now, it's my choice";
But then something in me snaps;
I pick it up, remove the cap;
Guess my ring had a louder voice,
Reminding me I promised to provide inspiration;
I couldn't leave now, even if I wanted to,
And I said I'd always keep a place safe for you;
Out of love and respect,
I won't forget my promise to you!
My degree of vigilance will determine my quality of life,
But I get sick of this crummy burden always doggin' me day and night;
So don't be cross, dear, if I falter;
Just take my hand and lead me somewhere fun;
Yeah, make me laugh and then you'll see,
I'll get back to my routine
Cuz some things cannot be undone;
Like the promise to share our adventures
Even when it's hard for me to follow the rules;
And I said I'd always give you affection
And share our day to day;
I swear I won't break my promise to you!
Now, each of us must live up to our responsibilities
Described so clearly in the preacher's words:
We need to fully give to each other no matter what demands fill our day
And at times bring each other strength, support and worth;
Yeah, I'll inject cuz you deserve it!
(So, the next time I clunk my ring on my BG meter, I'll try to remember that I've just touched the symbol of faith and trust you have in me, that I can really do all this stuff.
And I hope that as you sit there, probably waiting for me to finish this finger stick, you heard my faith and trust that there will always be a hug or a kick in the butt when I need it.
And I'll try to remember that I'm not alone, cuz it says it, right there on my finger, "We're together!")
And I can go on and stick to my meal plan
If you remind me that you've got a lot to lose;
And in the long-run, I can guarantee that
You have my love and respect;
And I'll do my best!
I promise!
Veronica Elsea, blind since infancy, was in her thirties when she suddenly became way too familiar with type I diabetes! A successful career as a composer and violist gave her an easy outlet for working through the adjustments, adaptations and every-day annoyances that are part of this journey.
In 1998, she released "Guide Dogs, First Hand", an album describing the lives of working guide dog teams, which gave listeners a very different look at this aspect of her life. Her love of making music out of non-musical sounds led her to produce two albums featuring music performed by only dogs!
One day she realized that she was in the studio, writing a song for her fingers. At that point, this CD was born. Of course, building on her love of unique sounds, naturally the sounds of diabetes management would be featured as part of the ensemble.
She hopes that you find healing, some thought-provoking moments and some fun as you listen to these songs.
Veronica resides with her husband of 32 years and her current guide dog in Santa Cruz, California.
Okay, admit it! That was you I heard singing along!
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